When you share a bed, there is a lot to appreciate about it. You have the closeness of someone you love, and someone to talk to before you doze off. There is the warmth in winter and the feeling of safety that comes with not being alone. So, yes, there is a lot to appreciate.
So it might come as a surprise to some people that many couples - yes, married couples - don't always share a bed. Some never sleep in the same bed. And before you get to thinking "Well, obviously. When a marriage breaks down, you might stay together for the family. You just don't want to be near each other", that's not what I mean. Some married couples who are still very much in love don't share a bed.
Why? Well, for one thing, studies have consistently shown that if you have a bed to yourself you will sleep better.
It's not always the case. For some people, the idea of sleeping in separate beds is so alien as to make even trying uncomfortable. But here are a few of the reasons some people find sharing uncomfortable - and some solutions to those issues.
1. One Partner Snores And It Keeps The Other Awake.
The issue of snoring is one of the most divisive ones among couples and even kids who share a room. As much as you love someone, you need your sleep - and if it sounds like you're sharing a room with a Harley Davidson, it can be hard to doze off. It can foster resentment - which is illogical, as someone who is asleep can't help what they are doing. But it happens nonetheless.
Don't Want To Sleep Separately? There is a range of options for stopping or limiting snoring. Doctors will advise that the snorer loses some weight, change their sleeping position, or do something different. The truth is, it may take some experimentation. Earplugs are a worthwhile stop-gap.
2. One Partner Likes A Soft Mattress, The Other A Firmer One
Between two sleeping partners, mattress wars can be so fierce as to become a threat to a marriage. If your partner, for example, needs a firmer mattress for health reasons, you can feel like a heel for complaining about how it affects your sleep.
That doesn't change the fact that you need to be able to sleep. Logically, you understand their need. Emotionally, you haven't had six straight hours' sleep since 2012.
Don't Want To Sleep Separately? There are a few options you could consider. Finding a way to fit two single mattresses on a larger bed frame is one; also, some mattresses are now sold bespoke, being firmer on one side.
3. All Social Decorum Disappears While You're Asleep
Your husband is the most courteous, polite person in the world. He pulls out chairs for you to sit down. He opens doors for you. And then he falls asleep. He hogs the duvet. He reaches out an arm and pokes you in the eye. Frankly, he's a nightmare. But when you raise the issue to him, he brings up the fact that two nights ago you kneed him in the ribs. Stalemate.
Don't Want To Sleep Separately? Are you entirely sure? Separate duvets are a necessity; that's for sure. As for the rest of it, you need to find your own ways of dealing with it. Swapping sides of the bed can help. If one partner's sleeping position means they are infringing on the other, then swapping sides means they'll knee the air, not you.